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Monica Wesolowska Guest Blogs for Without Words

20 Jun 2013|

This week I’ve asked Monica Wesolowska to share the story of how she and her family honored the 10th birthday of their son Silvan, who died after only 38 days of life. Her critically-acclaimed memoir of Silvan’s life and death is a tribute to the courage it takes to love and let go.

On the 10th anniversary of our son Silvan’s brief life, my husband and I wanted to do something special. Each year, we’d struggled. Should we celebrate his birth or death? Were these days of celebration or of mourning? Or both? Each year was different. Often, we’d end his anniversary days simply by sitting on his memorial bench in our backyard. We were so busy raising subsequent children that it seemed enough that we had this bench where we could speak Silvan’s name as a family.

But 10 years from the 38 days of Silvan’s life, Miles and Ivan are six and eight. Though we’ve never hidden Silvan from them, though they’ve spoken for years of his death with the natural ease of children, death has changed for them. It’s scarier now because they’ve realized it’s permanent.  Death happens to real people, to people they love, and not just to an older brother they never met. But as death becomes scarier and more complex it’s just as important to acknowledge it—both for them and us.

To read the entire blog go to Without Words.