“What’s Allowed and What’s Forbidden,” by Tom Spanbauer as Guest Blogger for Powell’s Books, April 9, 2014
What for you is the relationship between writing and death? Not just literal death but dying emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. Dying to one’s own ego, dying to what’s allowed and what’s forbidden. Writing about the dead and bringing them back to life through writing?
I’ll try to answer this part of the question: What is it like for me to die to what’s allowed and what’s forbidden? Part of the fictive invented I is that you get to be braver, bigger, stronger than you really are. There are risks you can take sitting at home at your computer that out there in the real world are much more difficult to do. But that’s what fiction is for. In real life, you may wish you would have done or said something at a certain time. With fiction, you don’t have to wish. You can do it.In real life, you may wish you would have done or said something at a certain time. With fiction, you don’t have to wish. You can do it. But just because it’s fiction doesn’t mean it’s not a difficult task. To face up to your demons takes a lot of chutzpah wherever you are. Most of what we fear is internal. Most of what we fear is the way we’ve internalized our parents, our religion, the bullies who hated us. Heidigger defines thinking as: the silent conversation we are having with ourselves. So what we fear actually are our own ingrained thought patterns — the way we have been talking to ourselves our entire lives. So even to call out the name of our devils in our little writing rooms with our cups of tea and the space heater by our feet, requires great courage. (Remember yesterday’s Zen saying: within us all there is a great battle waging?)
It takes balls to make a safe place for yourself where you can tell what is true for you. What is true for you is usually not allowed and is forbidden.
To read the entire post, go to Powell’s Books.