Tom Spanbauerâ€™s first novel in seven years is a rich and expansive tale of love, sex, and heartbreak covering twenty-five years. At the heart of the book is a love triangle: two men, one woman, all of them writers. The first chapters are set in the midâ€“eighties in New York City. At Columbia, Ben forms a bond with his macho friend, Hank. Their bond is deep and ostensibly formed around their love of writing. But they soon find out their love is more than literary. As C.S Lewis says, friendship is homosexual. Hank is straight, though, on the Kinsey scale a zero, which means no men. Ben is a five, which means an occasional woman. But both are artists, and this affection between them is a force. How do you measure love?
The second part of the book, almost a decade later, takes place in Portland, Oregon. A now-ill Ben falls for Ruth, his writing student. Their affection, like Hankâ€™s and Benâ€™s, begins with how the heart is laid bare on the written page. Affection grows into love, but it is not an equal love. Ruth provides the care and devotion Ben needs, but Benâ€™s just too broken, Ruth is one of his occasional women, and as Ben has found out with Hank, loving has its limits.
Ben and Ruth are in their uneasy second year when Hank visits Ben in Portland. On a whim, Ben introduces Hank to Ruth. And the real trouble starts.
For what no man doth believe/the gods can bring about.
Set against a world of writers and artists, New Yorkâ€™s Lower East Side in the wild eighties, the drab confining Idaho of Benâ€™s youth, Portland in his middle age, and the many places in between, the complex world disclosed in I Loved You More, written in the poisoned, lyrical voice of Ben, is the authorâ€™s most complex and wise novel to date.
Congratulations, Tom Spanbauer! I Loved You More included in Tin House’s Best of 2015: Fiction.
The designer behind every Hawthorne book
Adam McIsaac: CREATIVE DIRECTOR / Hawthorne Books
Forty-one books, on subjects ranging from Portland food to lobotomies: thatâ€™s the entire oeuvre of Hawthorne Books since the small...Forward
27th Annual Lambda Literary Award Winners Announced: Congratulations to Tom Spanbauer, Winner of Gay General Fiction for I Loved You More!
All I Love and Know, Judith Frank, HarperCollins/William Morrow
“WE MUST LOOK INWARD AT THE WILDERNESS.”
Iâ€™m always writing things down on slips of paper. One day, I found this quotation on a slip of paper laying on my writing desk. The problem with the quote Iâ€™m about to give you is that I have no idea...Forward
If you want an introduction to the work of Tom Spanbauer, one thing you can do is hunt down an author bio. It’ll read something like this: He grew up in Idaho and attended Catholic School, which I’m sure had little effect on the rest of his life....Forward
I started working at Hawthorne Books in fall of 2009 and now 17 books later Iâ€™m proud say that Iâ€™ve worked on half of the books that Hawthorne has published since it was founded in 2001. Iâ€™ve also worked with the majority of Hawthorneâ€™s...Forward
Tom Spanbauer’s I Loved You More is the most important book on sexuality, love, and the low down of relationships that I have ever read. The brilliant language is an epic ballad so deeply rendered it killed me and resurrected me a page at a time. This book is not a love story. It guts the heart of the clichĂ© love story and hands it back to you, beating. Love is the endless falling.
- Lidia Yuknavitch
- Author of Dora: A Headcase
A great read, I Loved You More is a brutal and beautiful book of love, sex, and friendship that begins in the impossible but totally mesmerizing decade of the 1980s and spans the next twenty years.
- Sam Adams
- Former Mayor of Portland, Oregon
Intelligence, wit, generosity, love, wisdom, insight, humility, guts, heart-crushing truth and spirit-lifting graceâ€”itâ€™s all there in I Loved You More. This is Tom Spanbauerâ€™s wrenching and beautiful masterpiece.
- Cheryl Strayed
- Author of Wild
A masterful novel of what becomes of us long after we’ve “come of age” and done all the brave things we thought would save us. Tom Spanbauer’s pages pulse with life in all its messy beauty.
- Ariel Gore
- Publisher of Hip Mama Magazine and author of How to Become a Famous Writer Before You're Dead: Your Words in Print and Your Name in Lights
Tom Spanbauer, gifted anatomist of messy emotions and rangy sexuality, returns with I Loved You More.
- Elissa Schappell
- Vanity Fair
Itâ€™s a classic triangle and it unfolds with all the wit, sexual candor, and humility that Spanbauer can summon. All his novels, and this one in particular, embody the advice a rock critic once gave his young protĂ©gĂ©: â€śThe only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when weâ€™re uncool.â€ť
- Angie Jabine
- The Oregonian
I Loved You More is the most personal book we’ve seen yet from an author who’s important to so many of us. It reads like the deliberate unpacking of one man’s personal mythology - self-delusion and doubt and vanity and anger and lust and all the bad parts, along with the good.
- Alison Hallett
- The Portland Mercury
While Shakespeare offered us cross-dressing as a way to push beyond the binary notion of love, Cunningham and now Spanbauer have given us a more complex view of human sexuality, and what it means to really love someone.
- Melissa Duclos
- Book Trib
Portland author Tom Spanbauer could be considered responsible for some of the best and most widely recognized contemporary writing to come out of the Pacific Northwest, both in his own acclaimed novels like Faraway Places and Now Is the Hour as well as from the authors who have emerged from the writing group he founded, like Chuck Palahniuk, Chelsea Cain and Cheryl Strayed. Spanbauerâ€™s fifth novel and newest release, I Loved You More, follows the themes of his previous work by examining the heartbreak of relationships and deeper issues of sexuality.
- Penelope Bass
- Willamette Week
I Loved You More is very right now, and yet itâ€™s also timeless. I thought of Hemingwayâ€™s unfinished novel, â€śGarden of Edenâ€ť â€” a book about a young married couple who bring another woman into their relationship, and before long the marriage is in pieces â€“ as I read Tomâ€™s book…Itâ€™s a hell of a book.
- Michael Goldberg
- Days of the Wild Crazy
No magical realism. No myth or legend. No Chinook winds. Just a man and his life and what it meant to him. The bad parts and the good parts, and what those parts have assembled. [I Loved You More]is beautiful and brilliant and every other positive adjective I can rain down upon it.
- Rob Hart
- Lit Reactor
The fireworks that ensue between these strong-willed people over the course of bookâ€”not to mention the raw psychic scars and corrosive feelings that are ever-prevalentâ€”are gripping. Spanbauerâ€™s talent is to collide all emotions against one another, quite often on the same page and sometimes in the same paragraph.
- Christopher Carbone
Spanbauer simply unpacks imagery, events, and dialogue without judgment, allowing the reader to come to their own conclusions. If anything, I Loved You More provides an empathic view of bisexual relationships as the most natural in the world, perhaps the most generous expression of love and shared strength for the survival of humanity.
- Rachel Wexelbaum
- Lambda Literary
I Loved You More is breathtaking for its audacity. Spanbauer is unflinching as he looks at physical need and carnal desire…He certainly does plunge into territory that many writers would not dare approach. And while he runs the risk of having readers interpret his work as exhibitionism, Spanbauer probably would argue it would be more outrageous still not to acknowledge that such complexities exist and deserve to be considered.
- Barbara Lloyd McMichael
- The Seattle Times
[I Loved You More] is the sort of lifelong story of adoration and refusal and unrequited love that John Irving made his fortune on, but itâ€™s better than that, because itâ€™s delivered in Spanbauerâ€™s gorgeous voice.
- Paul Constant
- The Stranger
I Loved You More is about the power of words. There are many passages in the novel that achieve dizzying heights of unabashed beauty and lyricism.
- Sally Hessney
- A&U: American's AIDS Magazine
Spanbauer relays from the start that Hank succumbs to cancer before he and Ben can make up the rift that springs from Ben’s jealousy, so once the destruction unfolds in the final act, it happens at a riveting, fast pace. By turns poignant and funny, Spanbauer’s story rings true at every turn.
- Publishers Weekly Starred Review
At Elliott Bay Book Co. in Seattle last month, Spanbauer treated a packed house to a portion of I Loved You More that serves as an overture to its torrid relationships. Closing the book, he took a moment to regain himself before taking questions. He said, “People ask me why I write, and I tell them it’s because I can’t cry and speak at the same time.”
- Dave Wheeler
- Shelf Awareness
Feelings are complex, and love is never really just love, and Grunewald (and by default to some degree, Spanbauer), realizes this. There is a lot to love about this book
- Matty Byloos
- Nailed Magazine
Ben Grunewald is an outspoken character whom readers will fall in love with.
Spanbauer has crafted a meticulously conceived and executed novel brimming with heart, soul, and the unique kind of affections found in both platonic and romantic love.
- Jim Piechota
- Bay Area Reporter
This is a book about taking your whole life to be able to tell your own love storyâ€”not the one you are supposed to have, but the one that is yoursâ€”and then telling it as truthfully as possible.
- Valerie Stivers